What it takes to get through an affair to get over cheating

I always tell my clients that they are the only people that matter in this instance, and if they love each other enough, and are committed to getting through the infidelity, with putting in the work, and in time, they can heal and have an even better relationship.  The relationship they had is over, but the new relationship they forge together after the cheating, must be much stronger, with more honesty and be more real.  Each [...]

Fighting styles and the anatomy of conflict

What happens when you fight? Who is the one to kick it off?  Is there a specific theme - a subject that always causes tension? That possibly you can never agree on, or feel like you have opposing views? Or is it the way words are used, the way things are said, that triggers one or both of you and its game on? Is it loud, shouty and borderline abusive? Or do you use the silent [...]

Taking responsibility in your relationship

What does this mean?   Lately I have come across several couples where one partner feels they are taking all the responsibility in the relationship. They are the driver of the relationship, they make all the hard decisions, they plan, they carry the mental load, and they perform more tasks within the relationship.  Being in a relationship takes work. It takes good communication to sit together and work out who is responsible for each area. For example, [...]

Sexual Arousal: How do men and women compare?

Sex – the story of the ovens and the microwaves!! This is so true….a client once said to me….. “Women are like ovens – we take a very, very long time to warm up, And men are like microwaves, they are instant.” And what this means is that for a possibility of intimacy with your boyfriend or husband later, the husband must be kind to the wife in the morning, check in with her when he [...]

Ensure you stay connected with your partner by doing small things often

People often mistakenly think that it is the grand gestures that keep a couple together, that keep them connected, but this is far from the reality.  Grand gestures are fun and can be expensive, not frequent enough, or can even be overwhelming. I once had a couple where the husband thought the wife should be grateful that he took her on overseas holidays every few years and that should be enough. Besides that, the couple basically [...]

Set an expectation

(rules of communication which lead to better understanding)    It has been raised recently in present clients, that it would be a good practise/idea to talk through and get an agreement with your partner, on how you would both like to celebrate and acknowledge important days like:  Birthdays and Anniversaries   Have a discussion and come to an agreement. These are very personal decisions and part of how you relate to these special days, will come from [...]

“Set and forget” A workable approach to resolving ongoing future focused conflicts.

I recently had the pleasure of assisting a young couple with coming to a decision on how to resolve several ongoing conflicts that were causing them to argue, without any resolution.  They were all to do with future goals and decisions. The couple highlighted the areas of disagreement and concern. I heard what each of them wanted and both of their reservations. I got them to explain everything to me in detail. We looked together at [...]