How do I show my love for my partner that resonates with him/her?
Gary Chapman wrote an invaluable book called The 5 Love Languages. (the secret to love that lasts). This is my summary (I am in Northern Beaches Counselling).
- Words of affirmation: these are little words of encouragement and praise, compliments, and to someone who needs to hear the words, they are especially important. I find the more specific the words are the more they mean to the partner who needs to hear them. Often it is the actual essence of who the partner is that needs to be said, for them to feel seen and understood.
- Quality time: this can be a particularly important love language. Just remember spending quality time means different things to different people/partners. For most people/partners it is spending uninterrupted time together, either doing something together or being in each other’s company and having deep and meaningful conversations. There are some people/partners who find picking a tv series and watching it together to be quality time and even some others that find just being in the same space enough to qualify as quality time.
- Receiving gifts: I must say I have found over the years that gifts tend to not be one of the favoured love languages. That said, there are partners who love finding that perfect little something. Those that like receiving gifts are in fact sometimes more appreciative of the thought and effort that a partner has gone to the trouble to think of them, which has led to the gift buying.
- Acts of service: this is an active doing form of love, fixing things, doing things around the house to make your partners life easier. Doing things that your partner finds difficult etc. In this busy modern world without much help and support around, it can be a very favoured love language.
- Physical touch: (which is not always sex). This is the tactile love language, holding hands, cuddles, rubs, massage and more. And to someone who enjoys touch, it is important.
Now these love languages are all nice to receive but we do generally prefer to receive love in specifically one or two ways to make us feel loved in the way we prefer. It is also not rocket science, meaning we can all learn to show our partner love in the way that makes sense to them.
If we feel loved in the way we want to feel loved; our what Gary Chapman refers to as “our love tank” fills up and this translates to us being more resilient to life’s little knocks and less bickering and being on the front foot as we know and feel we are loved.
So why not do the quiz online if you are unsure of your love language.
It can be found at www.5lovelanguages.com.